Going, Going, Gone!

Today I am actually “blogging” like hundreds of other self-serving geeks that I typically scoff at, today it’s about me and it’s my turn. I know that not many people hit on this site, in fact the most hits it ever got was 800 in one day and that was because of the Jonas Brothers Concert pics that I posted from the ice show. So nobody is really going to care about what I’m about to say, but it will make me feel better and that’s something that I really need right now.

A couple of days ago I deleted my Myspace profile, I did it because I don’t visit it anymore, it’s so very 2005 and most importantly I wanted to show myself how easy it is to erase the past. Gone are my jabs at the two hypocrites who mutilated Don Imus’ radio career (Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton), gone is my quest to Free Mumia (Google it), and let’s not forget the Opie & Anthony Baby Bird video. They are all gone, the page is history, never to be seen again and I feel good about it.

On the web you can erase things, you can wipe things out, you can re-write history (Wikipedia), you can be a totally different person than who you really are and when the right time comes, press DELETE and it’s all gone. In life however you can’t press delete, there are no do-overs, so we deal with the issues, we deal with the past, it comes back to bother and annoy us sometimes over and over again (check out the-DDR) and we go on, get strong, get old and hope that in the end we have no regrets.

One of my favorite motto’s is that “In life the world is a stage (familiar huh) but I added, that this isn’t a dress rehearsal”. You only get one shot to make this work, for some they figure it out quick, I like to think that I did and for others, they never seem to get it.

My entire life has felt like I’ve taken 2 steps forward and 1 step backwards, every single day.

I remember when I purchased my first ham radio, found out there was a modification to make it work in other bands, did the mod and blew it up, best 600 dollars that I ever spent, twice, in two days! I have memories where this was the case so many times, I would wait to get a new toy and it was broken before I really ever had a chance to enjoy it. I recall flying a model airplane with my dad in NY, having it get stuck in a tree and being such a prick to him to get it down that when he finally did get it for me, he broke it in half to teach me humility. I’ve struggled for years with the way that I treated my parents, being adopted and not giving them a chance after I found that fact out, I was a real prick of a son, but I know that despite that, they loved me.

I have a few regrets in my life, I regret my being so non-committal to my one true love that she will always be the one that got away (SCB) and doing it again a few years later (KT) only to find out that my block with KT was due to not being able to erase SCB.

Now years later after swearing that I would live my life to the fullest and enjoy it despite all it’s challenges I find that I seem to keep taking more and more steps back and not many forward. I wish that I could press the delete key and get to do it over but you can’t and in fact I don’t think that I would. With the exception of one particularly dark time in my life (again see the-DDR) I love what I’ve done and where I’ve been and who I’ve been with.

I don’t intend to and never have taken down any pictures on this site from the past, I may no longer be with individuals pictured on this site, but the pictures that are here chronicle my life and I wish that I had more pictures from my life, earlier on and further back, but for many years I was not happy with myself, I was not confident with my looks and actually didn’t get comfortable with who I am today until I was almost 30, but for that I have no regrets.

This site has evolved somewhat over the last year in particular, it’s really become more about a little girl that I would do anything for just to keep her innocent to this world that is so harsh and has treated so many, so badly. I don’t plan on taking down any pictures as my relationships change, I can’t delete the past so I won’t delete what’s posted here.

It was once explained to me that the Japanese chronicle their lives in their pictures and movies, the joke was always how they always have a camera and are taking pictures, the reality is that they are preserving memories for future generations to see. I love that mentality, I adopted that when I started this site a few years ago and I see now where it’s even more important to maintain that approach to life and chronicle the past, not delete it.

Miguel Lombana – BTW, I hear Wisconsin is wonderful this time of year!